Realizing you need help
Asking for help can be hard but realizing that you actually need help is harder. Nobody wants to admit that they actually need help. We view help as a sign of weakness or failure. As moms and women, we think we should be able to do everything and do it well. We are not suppose to need help.
I thought those exact things for so long. My life needed to be perfect and I didn’t want anyone to see that there was anything wrong with it. I didn’t want them to see that I was so tired from being so busy trying to make every little detail just right. They definitely couldn’t see that I fought with my children all the time over the smallest things or that I was making everyone in my family miserable by my constant need for perfection.
I thought that being a mother was hard and everyone was doing the same thing I was and they seemed to be alright. They didn’t need help so why should I. Their lives seemed perfect and so I had to work hard to make my life perfect. Their life seemed perfect because no one shows the hard times. No one is broadcasting when they fight with their kids or husband. They are cleaning their house before they post their pictures online. They don’t show that their house doesn’t always looks like that. People hide their imperfections.
There wasn’t one particular day I realized I needed help. It was little things that I was noticing. My daughter never wanted to show me anything she did at school because she told me it wasn’t good enough. Toys of my son’s were never played with because he was afraid he would make a mess. My husband constantly trying to get me to relax and telling me I was stressing everyone out. I realized I was making everyone in my house miserable and making my kids feel like they couldn’t live up to my standards.
I knew I needed to change and I needed help but I didn’t know where to start. Asking for help was so hard for me because I didn’t want to admit failure or burden anyone. I decided to ask my husband first. It’s easier to ask someone closest to you first. They are usually the most understanding and the people who want to help you the most. My husband started taking over more duties in the household. At first this was hard because he didn’t do them how I did them. He refused to let me correct it or interfere in it.
My husband started giving me time for myself because I realized the problem was with me and how I viewed things. I started working out and taking care of myself which made me feel better. Journaling helped get everything I was holding inside out which felt like a big weight off my shoulders. Making small changes was the first step to overcoming perfection.