Why can’t I be happy?
I am in a funk. I’m not sure what it is. I feel like my life is on hold right now and I’ve lost all control. I hate not being in control. I’m a control freak and it’s driving me crazy. I’m just not happy with anything anymore and I’m not sure why.
I know one of my biggest stresses is we are waiting to close on a new house. Our house has been on the market for 2 years and we have had 4 offers fall through. We can’t buy a new house until we sell ours. Well we are near the end of it but I still have the overwhelming feeling that it’s not going to happen. Something will come and destroy it and I have no control over if it will or not. It’s just frustrating.
My job is another big issue. I hate my job. The company I work for is horrible and they don’t treat all employees as equals. I feel it drains the life out of me and makes me so unhappy. I hate coming into the building. Since we are in the middle of buying a house I can’t really look for a new job right now so again I’m waiting on my house to close so I can start looking.
I don’t feel like I’m being a great mom either. I am so unhappy and blah feeling that I don’t want to do anything after work but sit and relax. My girls have taken to hiding in their rooms every night and I feel like I never spend any time with them. I do spend time with my son because he doesn’t leave me alone so he’s always next to me.
My fitness has also been affected. I lost 70 lbs two years ago and now I am just gaining it back. I have no motivation to workout or even work on myself. It’s hard to see the bright side right now. I know that working out and eating right will make me feel better but I can’t even bring myself to do that.
There are people so worse off than me and I feel ridiculous for even complaining. I have a good life. Most people would love to have a job or to even be able to buy a house. I am extremely blessed so why can’t I feel that way. Why can’t I be happy?
It’s because my perfectionist ways are taking over. Things in my life are not perfect and I feel that I can’t enjoy anything and I don’t deserve to be happy. I have made a mess of things and now I’m punishing myself. I have lost all control of my life.
Trying to get out of this funk is hard. To start I am going to do some self-care and start taking care of me even if I don’t feel like it. I am going to work on overcoming this perfectionist mindset and get back on track with enjoying my life. I need to start taking my own advice and taking action to make me happy. No one else can do it for me.